Ever wondered what a day in the life of your average lingerie addict is like? Well some of you have. Be prepared for your illusions to be shattered, life in lingerie is really not all that glamorous darling….
7am My alarm sounds waking me from my deep stupor. I reach for my phone looking to turn off the dream killer and search through internet friends allowed version of reality.
Lingerie, lingerie, as far as the eye can see. That’s till I realise I’ve wasted an hour of my life and I’ve now got 20 minutes to shower and get dressed before I have to leave for work or risk being late.
8am I’m multi tasking in the shower…Not in that way!!!!! What lingerie is clean and what clothes are clean and which ones will work together to carry out the tasks of today???? Am I doing manual labour or seeing the kids later? Not today so I can wear my stockings safely. What size are my boobs today? It’s a week before my period so they are sitting around a 30F that rules out most of my sets. Looks like I’m going to be wearing my WKD suspender with my avocado bra and hopeless lingerie thong. Talk about mixing and matching.
8.10 I’m setting up my phone to take a photo while getting dressed and brushing my teeth. The ironing board is used as a camera stand and my floor lamp lights the shot badly. I’ve once again run out of time to put on any makeup so headless shot it is.
8.15 I find clothes I deem good enough and run out the door while scrolling through the quick photos deciding which one gets to see the light of day.
8.25 I’m waiting in line for coffee and the man behind me is getting more than he bargained for as I’m editing my photos to make use of the time.
8.30 I’m on the train trying to post a photo and think of a caption on only one sip of coffee. The photo sucks so does the caption. I post it anyway.
8.45 I get off the train after 10 minutes of no signal to find I have 45 likes. You guys suck. I’m a tool so I post on my instagram stories to go “check out my latest amaze balls post”.
9am I see a few pity comments roll in. Love you too guys xxx
9.30am Colleagues come by and comment on perky boobs/nice stockings/lingerie layering so on and so on. I say thanks check out my instagram and bog to learn how/who/where!
10.30am Management comes by and comments on how my outfit is not work appropriate. Something along the lines of ‘underwear is not meant to be on show’ ‘I can se your bra’ ‘ not the company’s atheistic’. Ok I’ll remember tomorrow…..
11.30am I run to the bathroom to check my phone. Not much action.
12.45pm Lunch time! I eat Mexican/Thai/sandwich very quickly and window shop at all the possible places I can find lingerie. I avoid Bras N things. Cotton on body makes me depressed and I feel old. Myer has nothing I want. David jones has nothing in my size. And that’s all the places you can shop for lingerie in my area!!!!! I comment to myself how depressing the lingerie shops around here are.
1.15pm I tell my colleagues once again how hard it is to find good lingerie and vow to start my own shop one day. Everyone cheers in excitement.
2pm I feel my stockings twisting so I try and sort them out in he toilet cubicle. Mission not super successful.
5pm I’m hunching something chronic and my bra is starting to dig in. I try and stand up straight but that requires the will to live.
6pm It’s quite so I do a sneaky instagram scroll while no one is looking. If I’m lucky I reply to a few comments and messages. If I’m unlucky I get to block a few dickheads the seeped through the cracks when I wasn’t looking.
7.30pm I get home from work and sit down to dinner. The idea of keeping my lingerie on and treating my husband to a strip tease leaves my mind while I change into my pjs. Pj’s aren’t appalling, silk slip dress tonight. I throw the undesirables onto the ever present pile in the bathroom. I’ll do it tomorrow….I lay in bed telling myself to get my arse moving to write the blog post that’s a month over due. I don’t. I scroll instagram for an hour.
9pm I fall asleep thinking of all the time I’ve wasted. I think of what I’m going to post tomorrow. I ask myself why I do this. I look forward to seeing what everyone else is wearing in the morning. #lingerieaddict #lingerielife #satire